Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Dirty Job = Funny Story

This past week, I've felt like I was the host of the Dirty Jobs show. It all started last Wednesday while I was attempting to get caught up on things around the house. Eli was in his jumperoo and Anna was supposed to be watching Sesame Street. I began thinking, "It's really too quiet" despite having just checked on them a few minutes prior. Upon entering the living room I saw drawers pulled out of the built in shelves and noted the random Christmas light pieces (extra bulbs, fuses, etc) strewn about that evidently had not been packed up after Christmas last year. I also noted that Eli had a handful of them that his dear sister had kindly shared with him. I quickly took them away and saw that he had something in his mouth.... a fuse (I think). He wouldn't let me get it and before I could pry his mouth open, he swallowed it.... then just stared at me with that 'ha ha' look.

That slight panicky feeling set in - "What if it breaks? What if it gets hung up inside him." After time to let the panic settle I came to the conclusion that he would just pass it on his own. After all, we swallowed pennies and game pieces as kids. After calls to a few doctors their solution seemed drastic: take him to the ER for x-rays. Anything glass related needs immediate attention. Did these people even know what I was talking about??? This fuse is tiny - not even 1/2" long and about as round as a toothpick. Surely there was no danger there. To confirm their hyper reactivity due to the need to cover themselves from liability, I called two of my nurse friends. They said not to worry - it should pass on its own - as I suspected. It's always nice to have an arsenal of friends in the medical profession. They come in handy....often.

So, now came the unpleasant part - examining all of his dirty diapers. A few days passed and nothing. I was beginning to wonder whether or not he even swallowed anything. Maybe it was just curdled milk or spit or some other gross substance I mistook as a fuse. But I wanted to be sure, which came the even worse part. I dug all his diapers out of the trash and went through them a second time. Keep in mind, it's August, it's hot, humid, and poop stinks in the first place. Giving it a few days to stew was not one of my brightest ideas!! The smell was wretched and it was all I could do to stay conscious. To add to the disgustingness of it all, we had salmon patties for lunch that day and the house already smelled like fish. Fish and 4 day old poo - I might as well have fell in my sewer. Stirring through poo with a spoon (yes, it went in the trash afterwards), gagging, and trying to stay somewhat composed, I lost it when Anna sat down beside me and said "Mommy, I watch. Inna watch!!" I died laughing and kept laughing and laughing until I lost it even more when Mark came out of the bathroom and said "WHAT IS THAT SMELL????!" And insert Mark's hysterical gag reflexes here.

It's times like these that all you can do is laugh. Laughter is what gets us through the hard times when we think we're going to lose our minds. So live, learn, and.... laugh!


  1. Ha, that is halarious! The joys of parenthood

  2. I can just imagine everyone gathered around poopy dipers laughing!!! - that would have been the perfect time for the door to door salesman to came by!!!!

  3. that's too funny! so...did you find it?!?

  4. No, we still haven't found it. I'm assuming I'm losing my mind and he nevered swallowed it. That or he passed it and I just didn't see it (it's really, really tiny). Afterall, what goes in must come out.... I'm hoping anyway.