Friday, March 14, 2008

Lonely, Lazy, or Both

I've found that being a stay-at-home mom brings with it an abundance of joy, laughter, memories, and entertaining stories that I could write several books on. What I've also found though, is that it comes with its share of challenges as well. While having the privilege to stay at home with my children, I've quickly discovered that I'm often lonely. I miss having adult conversations, getting out of the house more than twice a week, and having a full time job where I feel like I'm making a difference and contributing to our family. Let me pause here to say, Yes, I know I'm making a difference in my children's lives by sacrificing those things to be at home with them. That's not what I'm saying. But the reality is that I miss working outside the house more than just a few hours a week. I miss feeling productive and like I contribute more than in the sense of "Yippee, I got the dishes done." I miss having a reliable paycheck and subsequently all that came with that.

I often grow weary of being at home with no one to talk to other than a 9 month old and a 2 year old who thinks a good conversation is "Mommy, eat." Unlike many stay-at-home moms, I don't have the benefit of having some large organization around here that's Christian based whose focus is on stay-at-home moms. While there are a few groups, they're not particularly ones I'm interested in for a variety of reasons, one mainly being that they're not Christian oriented. Many, but not all, of the friends I once had are now more of acquaintances than buddies. And thus the result is often being lonely and feeling like my sole purpose is "wife and mother". I know those are the two greatest callings I have in life, but if I'm honest, there are days that I also want to be more than that.

When I feel like this, I often find myself being lazy. I just don't want to do anything. I grow weary in knowing that everyday that I wake up I pretty much already know what the day is going to contain: changing diapers, feeding kiddos, washing dishes, doing laundry, and picking up truckloads of toys all day long - things that never really end and always miraculously reappear. Could it be that 7 years of college and 2 degrees has brought me to this point? What ever happened to feeling accomplished, productive, educated, and useful?

The answer lies here within. I can still feel accomplished. I can still feel productive. I'm still an educated woman and still useful. But the answer isn't in relishing in what used to be or what could be, but rather in seeing the purpose in what I do each day. My purpose is to raise two children who love and honor God. To instill in them morals and values that will benefit them throughout their entire lives. It's to nurture and care for them and show them what a family is all about. My purpose is in being the best wife and mother I can be. And despite there being difficult days, I can rest in knowing that at days end, I'm fulfilling to the best of my ability the purposes that God has put in my life at this time and place.

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